It is no issue contending if married men have affairs; cheating is common with both sexes; but studies have shown that men easily have their way in cheating than women. It is observably obvious that most married folks settle for younger lads when cheating on their spouses; the reason is a topic for another day. While it’s crystal clear that only very few young men settle for older ladies, obviously for material gains, a lot of young ladies go for married men for numerous reasons.
- He is Grown Up.
Every woman naturally wants a man who appears with grandeur and gaiety. A man who really stands tall as a man in the eyes of a lady will easily win her heart (not minding how many other ladies trailing him or if he has a wife at home). Having sense of maturity in dealing with vicissitudes of relationship is what many ladies look out for in a man. It is believed that only very few single men exude this sense of maturity. A twenty-nine -year- old Linda says, “I don’t want to put up with some ‘mummy boy’ somewhere who’s struggling to also learn a thing or two when it comes to dealing with relationships. Many of them are scammers and they’re very arrogant, but a married man respects you and treats you the way you want to be treated, I prefer real adults please”.
- He is the Available.
Some young ladies who see themselves as not having enough time left as far as being a single lady is concerned settle for married men as an available option. This set of ladies do not really fancy dating married men as such; but they dread remaining single for ever. They see nothing wrong in being a second wife as it is better than being a wife and a mother of nobody. This set of ladies believes that a woman’s life is incomplete without a man. Speaking to Amaka, 33, who already has a year old son, she chuckled and said, “I don’t really think it’s right for me to date a married man, but where are the single men? How many real men (I don’t mean boys) are available out there? The few I’ve had time to put up with in the past wanted to milk me dry, some even stole from me. I’m really done with chewing gum and candy boy friends. So, I feel comfortable living in my house and having him come to visit me whenever he wants to; I feel lonely a times though when he’s out there with his family; that may not be what I wanted for my life, but that’s what’s available; at least I have a son now; it doesn’t matter if he wants the child or not. I only know I now have a child to work and care for at least someone to remember me when I’m old.”
- No Obligations Attached.
Some young ladies, especially the very young ones believe they have limited or no obligation attached in dating a married man. This gives them freedom to live their lives without any form of monitoring spirits attached. They do this as a relationship of the moment believing that Mr. Right is still waiting somewhere in the future! Deola, 22 belong to this group and she says “I don’t have to be afraid of heart breaks because I know he won’t marry me; I’m not even ready to be a second wife; so, I’m just dating him for the fun of it and other things; you know na!”
- Material Gains.
“I don’t see any other reason I’m dating him if not that he pays my bills. I don’t know of other ladies o! They may have their reasons, but I know down within me that most ladies date married men for material gains. Sometimes some say, it’s for maturity, it’s for this or it’s for that, but I believe it’s all for material gains” I still have my boyfriend, but he’s not really buoyant enough.” Those were the submissions of Efe, a graduate of Mass Communication who is also an applicant.
- Father Figure:
Some young girls believe older men play fatherly roles in their lives. Tinu said. “He’s like a father to me, he provides me with a shoulder to cry on, I lean on him; he makes me happy. I didn’t really grow up with my father; I never met him. So, when I met Uncle J, as I usually call him, he gave me this kind of fatherly care, meeting my needs, advising and admonishing and sometimes scolding me! I often wonder how he combines sleeping with me and bringing me up at the same time and I’m really enjoying his presence in my life. He has become the father I never had; He has many sides and funny enough, he keeps telling me about getting married and how he wants to see me settle down”.
Irrespective of how much the society frown at ladies dating married men; some ladies claim they actually found their better half amongst the married. These ladies believe strongly that their man must have been snatched away in the past by some wrong person somewhere who eventually became his wife. Some really believe in compatibility more than they believe in marriage. They find real and true love believing that they are a true match for a long lasting relationship. “I simply like him, and I think I also love him and he loves me too; marriage is not really my problem; I don’t want marriage; I just want to be happy”, says Susan.
As weird as some of these claims may sound, they are real. There are other reasons young single ladies date married men; whatever that reason is, stated above or not, the truth remains that a lot of single ladies out there attach themselves to married men for reasons best known to them. Do not take the prophecy of Isaiah (Isaiah 4:1) less seriously these days whatever the exegesis might be.