It is no longer news that finding a life partner is paramount on the minds of many who believe they are of marriageable age. There seem to be a lot of young men and women of this age out there but coming together seems an arduous task owing to the fear of getting it wrong or getting the wrong person. Many young men and women believe that finding a life partner requires no conscious effort. They believe that a husband or a wife would someday emerge from the blue sky and make all things perfect in their lives. This belief is more pronounced amongst the ladies who most times feel it’s not their responsibility to search for a life partner. As much as I agree that it’s a bit awkward for a young woman to make efforts towards a man she really has feelings for, it is important to note that the issue lies with how the effort is made and not the effort itself. A young woman may not take steps to approach a young man (for whatever reason) but she surely should be ready to receive or reject the efforts made by the male folk. Nothing should be left to chance. Making effort is healthy for both young men and young women but how the effort is made could be where the problem is. Relationship is very delicate; so much that a little effort made in good faith might be misconstrued thereby hurting one or both parties. Below are a few steps one can consider in finding a life partner.

1: Be Prepared

Being ready is one major criterion many tend to ignore when it comes to marriage. Very few people take steps towards real preparation for marriage before meeting a life partner. Preparation entails reading books, attending seminars, reading relevant articles and asking for guidance from a trusted counselor. It also involves plotting out what you want in marital life- companionship, children,financial stability, peace and harmony etc. This preparation will enable you discover on your own whether the person you met has what it takes. This is the first step to take when trying to find a life partner. Being ready does not mean being of age; it involves among other things, having achieved a certain level of growth academically, skill wise and intellectually. This will enable you make a wise decision without having to settle for anybody that appears.

2: Be Accessible:

In order to find someone or for someone to find you, you must put yourself out there. If you have no time to attend social functions organised by family and friends, if you have no time for associations, if you have no time to participate in events that will get you noticed, I wonder who would find you. Do not be a lone ranger. Be part of clubs and associations; be part of church groups or community groups at different levels. It is also very possible to find someone on the social media; you, however need to be very careful on that. ( We shall soon dwell on the pros and cons of social media hook ups).Do not wear scary looks; look cheerful and make as many positive friends as possible.

3: Be Valuable:

Nobody wants to be associated with a liability. Believe it or not, most people these days want valuable people around them. Those who constitute liabilities are seen as nuisance these days. Gone are the days when people marry for the sake of it. Today, every young man wants a woman who is valuable and can contribute to the growth of the family. No woman wants a man whose interest is in what his family can do for him. It is not a question of having a fat bank account; it’s a matter of being hardworking and productive. It is the ability to think outside the box; the ability to see opportunities and take advantage of them. Get yourself busy and be consistent and committed with what you are doing, you might just meet your partner through your job. Be physically and intellectually valuable.

4: Be Bold Enough:

A lot of young men and women are not bold enough to ask out. Many have lost opportunities of hooking up with someone they really care about because they were not bold enough to ask out. Many also gave up easily because they felt the other party did not respond as quickly as they expected. Many successful unions went through stages of growth. Expression of interest most times begin with simple greetings and exchange of pleasantries. This will guarantee some level of interest. When that interest is finally established, when it has become obvious to both parties, do not hesitate to ask out.

5: Be Responsible:

You need to be calm and gentle especially when meeting people for the first time. You can make or mare the entire relationship during your first meeting. You must carry yourself with dignity and self respect. Some lads think they can meet a lady for the first time and ask her out immediately. Common sense is enough to tell you she’ll say ‘no’ whereas she’s obviously interested in him. Leave the conversation open ended; make it very interesting, talk and leave to talk another day. Avoid talking too much! Appreciate his or her time with you and say something like “It’s really nice talking with you”.

6: Be Healthy:

I see a lot of young men and women who take time out to exercise. This is quite commendable. Cultivating good health habit through nutrition and exercise is a way of making yourself attractive. You’ll agree with me that many do not care about this and it constitutes a serious hindrance. Being healthy is not just about exercise and nutrition; it’s also about appearing clean. It’s about taking care of social diseases such as mouth odour or body odour.
I’ve heard two or three ladies talk about quitting their relationships as a result of bad breath. Who’d want to kiss a smelling mouth? If you have other health issues such as anxiety, depression, etc , do not hesitate to ask for help.

7: Make Adjustments:

The fact that you’ve set out your marital goals does not mean they are Persian laws and therefore cannot be changed. When you find someone who really cares about you and supports more than 50% of your goals; someone who probably has expanded your horizon and contributed to achieving some of your most cherished goals, you have actually found a partner.

8: Avoid Domination:

You are likely to lose that friend if you keep on operating with a domineering spirit. When you make it look like your partner should be put under control in all circumstances, you’re getting it wrong. It’s only a matter of time, you’ll go your separate ways. It’s better you quit as soon as you notice you cannot operate on equal basis than to put your partner down every now and then. This also includes believing you can change somebody’s character; it’s a near impossibility to change a person’s character.

9: Know When to Quit:

It is either you were prepared for a relationship which gives you an opportunity to quickly discern whether to go on or not, or you’re already in it (far deep into it) before coming to understand that it’s not the best for you; either way, you must know when to quit. No relationship is a do-or-die. It’s always far better to quit than to live in misery in the name of marriage. Never believe that anything can change for the better after you say “I do”. It might even get worse.

10: Say Yes to Love:

When every other thing has been put in place, ensure real love exists. If everything exists in the absence of love, nothing actually exists. Never marry out of pity or because you’re afraid of what people would say. Never marry because you’re pregnant for him or she’s pregnant for you. Never marry because you think time is against you. Marry because you have found love! True love do exist and it never dies.

24 Replies to “FINDING A LIFE PARTNER- Steve Obiakor”

    1. There is no specific amount of time for a relationship, it’s just that everything must be done in moderation. You need between six to twelve months of constant dates to understand someone very well. When that understanding is there and your mind is made up, you fly. But, when one partner is not ready to fly, a few more months patience is recommended; when that expires and there is no sign of a green light, reversal of feelings begins, your love begins to diminish, you’re no longer feeling safe; when these feelings set in, it’s time to quit.

  1. There is a saying “you don’t prepare in marriage,you prepare for marriage”.I have digested enough from this.Thanks Mr Steve.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *