I have always advocated breaking up a relationship rather than jumping into marriage only to start looking for a way out. Many people have got into marriage for several reasons or under several conditions. Some married out of pity; others for material gains. Some only wanted a change of status or title. Any marriage not built on mutual love is a failure from day one. It’s only a matter of time and it’ll collapse. Ignorance or lack of proper understanding of the vicissitudes of marriage is a major cause of this. This article sets out to share some of the signs that show you’re with the wrong person. Note that being a wrong person does not make you a bad person! It means there’s an issue of compatibility. You are also a perfect match to someone somewhere. Now, some of these reasons/signs are very obscure that you may not count them. The tendency that you might not see them as issues is very high but they portray serious danger. Below are a few of these signs.
- You Are Not Free to Talk:
When you spend the whole day or the whole week thinking of how to say what you want to say; when you cannot freely say what’s on your mind for the fear of being misunderstood, it is a sign of incompatibility. What you want to say is not the issue here but the fact that you cannot even say it. We are looking at normal day to day conversations for those who know what should be said and what should not be said. We are not saying you must say whatever comes to your mind (of course some things are better not said). If you think your partner will always misinterpret you, you’re in with the wrong person.
- You See the Relationship as an Obligation:
If the acts concerning the relationship become a must, you need to watch it. When visiting is not at your own convenience; when it has to be because you don’t want to offend your partner; when you do things not because of love but because you don’t want to annoy somebody, there is a problem. You need to watch it. That is not to say there is no room for sacrifice; but, such sacrifice must not be compelled; you must not be under any obligation to make sacrifices. Your sacrifices cannot even be appreciated if you do them as an obligation. Act freely and when you’re carried away, be carried away by your own free will.
- You Busy Yourself With Something Else When Together.
This is very obvious. When you busy yourself with your phone or a book while you’re together, it is a sign that you shouldn’t be together in the first place. You make and take a lot of calls. This is a sign that you really do not appreciate each other’s presence. It could be a sign that your views differ on many issues. You are in a wrong boat! It is that simple.
- Indifference to Families and Friends:
A wrong partner wouldn’t want to be identified with your family and friends. If you both have similar disposition towards your families, it’s still a problem. It looks like you are not good enough. If your partner doesn’t care about what your family thinks about the relationship, forget it! It’s a wrong relationship. This is one of the issues civilization is trying to make us live in denial of. Some would say “what’s the business of my parents?” Well, it’s their business and it’s absolutely important.
- Your Interests Differ:
If your interests do not have up to 70% alignment, there is a problem. If you want to travel and your partner wants to stay in the house; if you like hanging out with friends and he/she isn’t interested; if you like going to clubs and your partner would rather prefer going to Church; if you prefer the movie to the gym and his/her preference is the other way round, then there’s a cause for worry.
- Unequal Value
Do you place your premiums on different levels? What is your social and academic status? Do they differ? You are likely to have issues. When there’s no equal value placed on goals and aspirations, the rate of misunderstanding will be very high.
- No Future Plans Together:
Do you discuss your future together? Do you talk about five years from where you are now? Do you discuss different title to yourselves from what you are now? If not, it is a sign that there’s no ‘forever’ in your affairs.
- You Only Meet for Sex:
This is another obvious sign that it’s a relationship of convenience. If you commit your heart to it, it’s likely to crash.
- Always Fighting:
When you always argue and fight, over everything, you do not need a soothsayer to tell you it’s a wrong relationship. This is another simple sign everyone should know.
- Monitoring Tendency:
Some call it monitoring spirit! When your partner always wants to know where you are, who you are with, what you are doing etc, it’s not love but obsession. It’s not because he/she is missing you; it’s because he/she doesn’t trust you. You have to tell yourself some home truth. It is a wrong relationship.
Now, there are many other signs that indicate it’s a wrong relationship. You can find them out yourself. It is better to quit now than to cry later especially in this part of the world where sentiments deprive us the courage to say ‘no’ when it is needed.
The earlier the better opportunity you have to find someone else. You do not need a combination of the signs above. Only one of them is enough to wreck havoc! Remember you cannot be the same to everybody; there’s somebody out there who is your match!