Financial conflict in marriage is a common phenomenon all over the world. Some of the issues arise from the fact that what the family is making is not enough to cater for the family needs. Others, though they have enough issues with managing their income as a family. Many marriages have hit the rock on account of this while others are holding on for the sake of religious beliefs or their children. There are still many families out there who get it probably not so right but are able to manage the situation to an acceptable level. Let us look at some causes of financial crises in marriages and their plausible solutions.
- When one of you is Materialistic: Materialism is a major cause of financial crisis not just in homes but in the entire life of an average individual. When you desire to acquire everything you admire even when you cannot afford them, there’s a possibility you’ll run into financial problems. Even when you have this money, that’s always a probability that your spouse may not fancy all you’re spending money on. You want to wear the latest human hair and he cannot afford it, bickering starts, followed by arguments and so on. Watch out for inordinate desire for material things; it might destroy your relationship.
- Living a Fake Life: When you think you can impress a woman by telling her that your father owns the National Stadium or the Third Mainland Bridge, I pity you! You’re likely going to have issues with her because fake life doesn’t last for long. When you claim to have a Lamborghini or Bentley whereas you’re inside danfo, you’ll have issues. It is better to live as you are; be original and allow her love you the way you are.
- Lack of budgeting: When you do not plan your expenditure based on your income, the probability that you’ll have issues is very high. Do not assume expenses; put your children in a school you can afford. It is lack of budgeting that breeds spontaneous or impulse buying. You must not shop when you did not budget for it. You must sit down and decide what and what to be bought and at what cost.
- One Sided Responsibility: If you believe that some things are reserved for the man to do while others are for the woman to do, you might have issues when either of you cannot meet up with this. I once met a woman who told her children to remain at home because it was their father’s responsibility to pay their school fees. “Why don’t you pay it?” I asked her. She said the last time she paid, her husband refused to refund her. I wondered if they were not her children too. It is important that both partners see every family problem as their individual problems. This will enable them sit down and discuss it and chat a way forward. Do not allow a family need to linger especially when you can afford to solve it.
- Lack of love and Understanding: I have always believed that love answers all things. Where love and charity abide, there, God is found and where God is found is where peace dwells and where peace dwells is not a place for crisis of any sort. If you are in love, you will understand that ijebu garri drank in peace is better than sharwama eaten in crisis. Love is everything.
- Abdication of Responsibilities: If you as the man of the house abdicate your responsibilities as the head of the family, there will be crisis. Very few families can survive under an irresponsible man. You must understand that the place of the woman is to help and not to carry all the family responsibilities. That’s why she is called the help mate. When a man carries out his responsibility and finds it difficult at any point, the woman comes in. When however the man does nothing at all about it, there will be squabbles in that home sometimes more of emotional crisis.
- Lack of Family Savings: It is always advisable that there is a family savings account where the couple puts money away for future use. This is savings for future use or emergency use; it does not call for everyday withdrawal. Many kick against joint account for lack of trust, lack of understanding and so on but I strongly believe that the benefits of joint account far out weigh its problems. Learning to save together could encourage financial management in the home.
- Incurring Debt in the Family Name: do not accept aso ebi of 100k in your office without discussing it with your husband; you’ll be looking for trouble if you do. Even if you can afford it; tell him and both of you should agree before you accept it. Do not use your spouse as a guarantor for loan without telling him/her.
- Do Not Stay Idle: These are days of technology! Even house wives these days work from home. You can do online business; trade in forex and so on from the comfort of your bedroom. This can easily be combined with being a house wife. Staying idle would mean one person shouldering all the family responsibilities and it could be frustrating at times. And when that frustration sets in, crisis begins.
- Avoid being too Frugal or Too Wasteful: Either of the two extremes could be a pointer to financial crises in the home. When you are too frugal, we call you aka gum! It is always difficult for you to spend money even when the cash is there. You’ll buy the cheapest of all cloths for yourself and your family. That is living far below your standard. This may irritate your partner and money fight will start. The other extreme is being too wasteful! You throw party at any slightest achievement. Haba! na only you waka come? You go to the bar and order the bar man to serve everybody when some needs are really pressing at home. This is invitation to anarchy.
You may have one or two of the above mentioned issues in your relationship or marriage; try applying the suggestions given, it might drastically reduce your squabbles or solve them completely. In a situation where the only financial crisis you have is the lack of money, well, see to it that the little you come home with is judiciously used in love and when the bigger one comes, be on your guard and ensure it does not lead you to crisis.