I have noticed that a lot of young people, women most especially are just interested in getting married. Well, women most especially because it is believed that a woman needs to marry at an earlier age than a man. In fact, there was a time family members used to chastise men who get married before the age of 35. Nobody raises an eyebrow for a 38 year old man who is single but very few women get to that age and still have peace of mind both within themselves and with those around her. Therefore, it is not out of place for a young woman to desire to get married early enough. There are many advantages attached to getting married early but that’s not our topic for today.
Many young men and women get into relationships, mismanage it and get out of it and give different reasons and excuses why it didn’t work. One of such excuses is that there are many men but few husbands; there are many women but few wives. While I do not advocate jumping into marriage, I’ve also come to understand that many breakups are as a result of mismanagement of relationships. Many young people miss out even after meeting somebody who would be their best life partner. Young women suffer more when relationships are mismanaged at least for the reasons identified above. You see a lot of young old ladies who are not married yet they’re always going in and out of relationships. Do not make the mistake of thinking they’re happy; they are not. Forget the consolation mechanisms they apply most times. The figures released by the National Bureau of Statistics still show that there are more men than women in Nigeria. That tells me that every woman has a husband. Some men even marry more than one leaving less number of women for more men. I do not believe that men deliberately don’t want to get married. What happens is that both young men and women don’t get serious with relationships until 11th hour. The young man may easily escape this but the woman finds it difficult. Therefore, as a young woman do not play along with that unserious young man; your ‘deadlines’ are not the same. If you spend your twenties dancing awilo with a young man of the same age, you are wasting your time but he is not. When both of you get to thirties, you’ll be jolted back into reality and he’ll settle for someone younger. Below are some steps you can take to make that relationship you’re enjoying now workout for marriage.
- Stop Dating for Dating Sake: Date for marriage and work assiduously towards it. I see a lot of young men and women seriously glued to relationships that are neither moving forward nor backward. And they stay in it for so long spending their prime years in it. Some of them are just living the moment. Living the moment negates planning for the future especially when the relationship of the moment appears sweeter which is actually the case most times. Mind you, every relationship must not lead to marriage but you must know when the time should be up for any casual hangouts. If you date for marriage, you would be conscious of time and plan towards moving the relationship to another level. Those of you who see escape route in double dating should bear in mind that you’re doing yourself more harm than good. I’ve some who have ‘casual relationship’ and ‘serious relationship’. They hope that the casual relationship ends as soon as the serious relationship works out. The truth is that it might not work out after all. Your full attention and commitment is required to make a relationship fruitful. That brings me to the next step.
- Spend More Quality Time Together. Now, spending more time does not imply moving in with the person. Doing this would make you vulnerable; you might lose your respect. Some times you spend a month with someone without any impact but another person spends a week with a whole lot to go with it. One is spending time while the other is wasting time. Spend time quality time and make the person long to see you again. Making him/her feel like a day with out you is a month. It does not happen by accident because I’ve seen a lot of young people who expect so much from a relationship they have invested nothing in. You need to earn it; work for it. I cannot just wake up and start missing you; there must be something about you that I miss; maybe the cleanliness of the house; maybe the food; maybe the company; maybe fruitful discussions. It might just be anything. Quality time is valuable time. It is better to spend very few but quality days together than spending useless months together. It is also during this time your learn more and more about your partner. The man or the woman who wants to marry you should have a very good reason to do so. Prove you deserve to be married.
- Look out for His/Her Flaws: You are not looking out for flaws so you start fighting over it. In fact, fights come in where flaws are not detected. If you understudy your partner and find out his/or her flaws, you can easily decide what to do with them and there would be no issues. You can decide to manage them, live with them or quit. There are personal flaws and there are relationship flaws. Personal flaws such as emotional imbalance (anger, fear, depression etc), ego, personality issues, health issues and nutrition habits. Relationship flaws are sometimes results of personal flaws – friends/peer influence family influence (both are always caused by personality issues). Other personal issues affect relationships in different ways. You must not turn blind eyes to these flaws and hope to get married soon maybe believing that when you’re married, they’ll disappear. Face them and see how much of them you can carry. When you identify these flaws, your dealing with your partner would be tailored towards them. That is, preventing them from manifesting if you can. It is a very credible way of creating value in that person’s life. Just imagine helping someone conquer fear, depression or even anger; imagine someone’s exercise life and eating habit improving because you cared. Face these problems; deal with them and see if something good can come out of it. Don’t just wait thinking they’ll disappear; or hoping there’s a perfect partner out there who has no flaws at all.
- Work on Your Self: As you identify your partner’s flaws, work on yourself too. Remember it’s a two way thing; you cannot successfully accommodate if you too cannot make yourself worthy for accommodation. Work on your physical self. I do not belong to the school of thought that says appearance does not matter. I’d rather say, appearance alone does not matter. Work on your intellectual and emotional self. Develop a unique personality. Your strengths, your opinions, your life goals, your emotions, your spiritual values and consciousness must be your personal making. They shouldn’t be left fallow; let them be your identity guided by principles. Let your partner know he/she is dealing with a unique and a well-defined individual. When your life is guided by principle, even your weaknesses become your strength. You can leverage on any situation and make something out of it. Remember, if you don’t love yourself, nobody can love you better; if you don’t care for yourself, nobody can care for you better; if you don’t believe in your self, nobody can believe in you better; that is self dignity.
In all of these, cap them all with virtues: love, care, sacrifice, respect, and so on. With a close attention, that man that can never be a husband to someone else; that woman that can never be a wife to someone else might jolly well be the best partner for you. Just pay close attention. I’m waiting for your invite!